zero360/music press life’s edges into song

Socks, Rocks, and DustPosted by Angelo Melendez on August 29th, 2008

Yesterday I lost a sock, tore my closet up looking for it. Went downstairs checked in the dryer, washer, laundry basket, yep, everywhere I could think of, nothing. I’ll be on the lookout for this cool black and gray sock (cool sock?), maybe I’ll find it, maybe I won’t.

At 2-3 different times I spent about an hour looking for a meaningless article of clothing. As I thought about how ridiculous I looked and how my attitude got so caught up in asking myself and my family (though I really think they were ignoring me) where this sock could be, I contemplated how messed up I get when I’m looking for other answers to questions about life. How much time I waste on meaningless endeavors and how little I spend on growing my soul and creativity, as well as just plain enjoying life itself.

This morning I’m sitting out on the deck with a cup of coffee, and notice a neat little pile of rocks one of our kids is storing in a corner of the yard. All our children have this affinity for rocks. Our two oldest boys spent lots of time in the woods behind the last house we lived in, and my wife would often end up with rocks in the washer because the boys were forever bringing stones home in their pockets but never taking them out.

Rocks, they are everywhere. Some grains of sand, some boulders we carve monuments into. Some we hold, some we climb. Foundational and at times a nuisance, especially when planting a garden, people even buy “pet rocks”, at least they used to. Rocks have Biblical implications, too. God, the Rock of Ages, Moses and the cleft of the rock in Exodus, a stone slayed Goliath, a rolled away stone revealed Christ’s empty tomb.

But much like our human flesh, time and elements turn rocks to dust. So I’m taking this moment to reflect on what I want to do better, and how I might live more passionately for what matters most… whether it’s what I deeply believe, sharing my resources to others, or my own well being. That the ardent search for lost socks just leads to lost time, and rocks are fascinating inanimate objects that can spawn creative thoughts. And that I’m capable of turning these thoughts into art that speaks to the heart of others.  Soon enough I’ll be dust, for now I pray for words and actions to make meaningful use of the time I’ve left on this earth.

Got Hope?Posted by Angelo Melendez on August 16th, 2008

Last night my wife and I had our fairly typical Friday wind down after the kids went to bed. Sure, we watched the Olympics, albeit while cruising channels in hopes of dodging the standard fare GAC video countdown, and stumbled upon a rerun of Glen Beck doing a full hour interview with Toby Keith, so we hung there for a while.

I’m a fan of both Toby and Glen, so it was interesting to see these almost exact opposites getting along, making sense, and uniting their voices in a rally cry to our country — WAKE UP! They talked about the delta between political and cultural conservatism, patriotism, the right to bear arms, and how the fact they register with different parties doesn’t make either better than the other. Oh, and, neither is sure who they’ll vote for in November, though gut tells me if doubt prevails, each will vote with the party line they claim to back.

It was really cool to see Toby, a man with a bit of a bad-ass reputation, refuse to pass judgment on social perspectives with which he doesn’t agree, or try to dodge questions about his faith in God and country. He’s a pretty basic guy who I think understands the issues and feels if you’re hated by the left and right simultaneously you are very likely on to something good.

This really got me thinking, not about politics or media hype around the coming election, but about the place I’m at with my own hopes, fears, passions, and dreams. I watched a message by Joel Olsteen last week on hope titled “You’re Closer Than You Think“. Say what you want about Joel, he’s different kind of preacher for sure, but the message hit home. He’s an encourager, not a preacher that preys on guilt trips, and I for one needed to hear that God wants to hear my heart cry for hope.

If not God, who?

I think both Glen and Toby believe strongly in God. Neither tries to shove the Gospel (Glen is Mormon) down anyone’s throat, but use fundamental (if not Biblical) principals to guide their lives and raise their families. Groan, not those old, musty principals about honesty and possessions and fidelity… not those principals about how putting our trust in hope in any man being like trying to grow coconuts in Iceland!

So, how much further do we get sucked into the “information age” while running around with our heads neatly tucked away in a dark orifice of choice? Are we safe not verifying what we read or hear from the media, whether Glen Beck, CNN, or the NY Times? How much more “information” can we process as we navigate the course of our very lives and keep the ship from smashing into lurking submerged portions of the ice berg? It’s great we have choices, it’s sad we make so many unfounded and uninformed choices.

I’m finding myself praying a lot more these days, mostly because it seems there are so many more life decisions to make and I can’t process the data fast enough. So I go to the wall, the closet, my knees, a deep breath, a quiet cry. In the end, there’s so much out of my control, all I can do is hope.

Here’s an excerpt from a lyric I’m working on for a new song:

Pain is never ordinary
Burdens get so hard to carry
When regrets I just can’t bury
Leave me numb and cold
All I have to hold
All I really know
All I have is hope

Copyright (c) Angelo Melendez

First DayPosted by Angelo Melendez on August 7th, 2008

I just got done watching Larry King’s interview with the family of Steven Curtis Chapman. It’s been just over two months since their adopted daughter accidentally died in their driveway. I am grateful for their willingness to share the details of the tragedy, the journey since that day, and the faith that gives them strength to carry on.

I can’t imagine going through what they’ve experienced, I can only pray I never do. While the Chapman family’s faith is apparently strong, I wonder how they managed the first day after losing their little girl? I wonder how every reminder of her and that fateful day impact their every breath?

I saw Steven perform in early April, and even as far away as I was in the back of the venue, his joy, persona, and amazing talent was both inspiring and infectious. He said, very humbly, during the interview he now sings his songs more passionately and with deeper conviction, though just a few weeks ago he was unsure if he could ever perform again.

A woman called during the interview and shared a passage from Psalms about how before God created the first day he planned our very lives. I believe Steven and his family believe this, and their faith is so foundational that their openly sharing about the tragedy is bringing others to a place where they can better deal with grief or anger in their own lives.

Since the day I heard about the loss of their child, the Chapman family has been on my heart and in my prayers. To see them join Larry King and the world live to discuss their faith and encourage us all was a great blessing to me, and gives me reason to live out loud for what I believe. I don’t want to use the Gospel as a hammer, but a brush to paint the life I want others to see in and through me. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my journey… I need to be ready to make the most of it.

Bless BeyondPosted by Angelo Melendez on July 20th, 2008

I finally got around to checking out Mosaic Church (Charlotte/Mallard Creek)  this morning. I certainly can’t (and won’t) make any kind of assessment as to whether this would be the place to move our family, but I will say it was a refreshing approach, young congregation, in what appeared to be a non-pretentious environment. At minimum, I go to visit a church with my ears open, in hopes of picking up a seed I can chew on for a while to nourish my soul.

The pastor who spoke today was pretty young, and shared a message around the statement “A faith tested by fire is a faith that can be trusted.” He used Daniel 3 and the story of Shadrach, Meshac, and Abednego to encourage us to see how trials can strengthen our faith; that is, when we don’t try to compromise or rationalize around God’s truth and remain obedient to his commands instead living to meet worldly expectations.

I think of all the riches in my life, and how I shouldn’t have cares or worries, complaints or regrets, but, of course, I do. Somewhere in closing the service, the phrase “blessed beyond” caught my ear. I wrote it down and have been contemplating it ever since. All the goodness, grace, material possessions, beauty of the earth, on and on, are just what I can see and comprehend — but what God does is bless beyond all these riches by providing a hope that can’t be qualified or measured, far exceeding our imagination or comprehension. Sure, for people going through deep struggles and pain, these words and concepts get shattered by despair and anger, I’ve been there, Lord knows chances are I’ll be there again.

I’m pretty sure I’ll go back for another visit, who knows maybe this is where God would have us for the next season of our lives. If not, I am blessed by the Word today, and pray God’s continued blessings on this congregation, its pastors and leaders, and all who give of themselves to serve the body of Christ.

PossibilitiesPosted by Angelo Melendez on July 5th, 2008

San Diego was great, what a beautiful city, and as technical/business conferences go (the reason I headed west), this one (Burton Group) was about as good as it gets. I’ve been back a week, and hoped the refresh would have led to a song by now, but I’ve been a busy catching up both at home and work, and have barely scratched through a few old songs and fondled a few new ideas. With my family readying to make the annual trek to FL to spend time with grandparents and break up their summer, I’m hopeful that while they are gone the muse will spring out of the closet and sit in my lap for a while.

I’ve got a pretty good list of things to do around the house while it’s empty, time to make a reasonable one to match for the writing/music side of things. First, I plan to make contact, and potentially a short road trip to meet with a musician/producer about getting an EP done by end of the year. I plan to spend some time out on the deck early mornings and evenings with notebook and beverage of the hour just brainstorming through some ideas, as well as cutting some guitar/vocal tracks for rewrites of established material. Lastly, I’ve made initial contact with a writer in Nashville who’s asked to co-write, and possibly help me market material, so I’ll be seriously and fervently working this angle. I’ll stop here, because if these goals materialize, the rest of the summer will be a real success.

Since the 4th of July didn’t necessarily pan out as we’d hoped, the baseball game we planned to go to was a wash, and while we saw bunches of fireworks in and around the neighborhood, things were on the quiet side due to the fairly unexpected, yet much needed, rain. Now it’s the 5th of July, and I’ll get up and watch the ladies final at Wimbledon in a few hours, tear through some errands and before long it’ll be Monday and back to work.

So, my immediate goal is to look hard at the possibilities for the next couple of weeks. To immerse myself in music every chance I get, to read, play, run, workout and clean up my diet, write and practice, be good at what I’m working at and expect the best from my efforts. To take chances and forget about the vanity in industrial strength opinions. If there’s one thing I can be it’s emotional. Question is, can I get these bad boys off my sleeve and into the next songs I write, and when/if heard, will these emotions stir or be filtered?

New month, new quarter, new season, endless possibilities [+]

Every ManPosted by Angelo Melendez on June 14th, 2008

It’s not easy to write about someone I don’t personally know. Though every time I’ve seen and listened to Tim Russert, he made me feel as if I did know him. His approach to journalism as personal as it gets, whether president or military leader, he never pulled punches. But as deep as his questions got, he was not harsh,  demeaning, or biased. Tim Russert was a man for every man.

He probed to make us think, and in turn, make us more effective people and Americans. The pending campaigns and elections need Tim’s centered, balanced approach to the issues, who will fill this gap? In the grand scheme of God’s sovereignty, it sure seems like the most interesting of timing for Tim’s passing.

How do I miss someone I didn’t really know? Not sure, but I’m fairly certain, the impact of his death will have far reaching implications in a political climate where trust is all but completely eroded. Let every man take note, we can do better, and it starts with taking Mr. Russert’s lead — seek truth with dignity and respect and settle for nothing less.

PaintPosted by Angelo Melendez on June 7th, 2008

Last night I played a gig with Rick Spreitzer and Kevin Edwards at the Green Rice Gallery in NoDa… very enjoyable. I mean, people flowing through all evening, looking at the various artwork hung on walls and placed on stands, sipping wine and beverages, munching on treats — lots of smiles and conversation. All this going on as the three of us sat in a corner and jammed acoustically (me on electric bass) to Rick’s original indie music, sort of an art on art foundation.

Rick mentioned at one point, “starving artists don’t just paint”, which I thought was a great off-the-cuff line, unfortunately, I’m not sure  anyone heard it through the buzz of chatter. We were not turned up very loud and had a sort of muffled edge, so during a 10 minute break, we tweaked the sound then took off for a 2nd set. As the night progressed I felt as if we were less the foundation and more an art piece in the corner. Some folks commented as they’d wrap around the walls viewing art, buy a CD, or stand and listen longer than most before moving on. The flow of ever-changing faces was really fun to watch.

All in all, the night, which I actually wasn’t even looking forward to because I’d had such a busy and at times oppressive week, ended up being a wonderfully relaxing and inspiring time. As we packed up, the buzz between Rick, Kevin, and I continued. When the owner paid Rick, she said she hopes to have us back. We roadie’d the gear into a night totally lit with sound and energy from all the people on the streets and both the indoor and outdoor bands at the Muse and beyond. I’ve been hanging out in NoDa, albeit infrequently, for a few years and have observed it become what I saw last night… good for all. Business owners must love it, the folks that hang must love it, and other than the fools that choose to rely on crime to feed their vices, it’s really a pretty eclectic, peaceful scenario.

Funny that out of all that is enjoyable, reality comes back and paints our next hours, days, and chapters. I got home more tired than I thought I was… barely lasted an hour before my eyes were shut, battled the fact I needed to sleep about 30 more minutes, then just went to bed. Overslept, wasted half the morning, now I’m writing this entry… be right back, I need some more coffee… OK, I’m back. So, today will be “busy” with whatever I need to get done, would like to do, and maybe a little day dreaming. But reality will “paint” my thoughts and actions, and influence my hopes and dreams.

I heard on the news last night (in between dozes) that Al Sharpton is coming back to Charlotte to tongue lash our law enforcement agencies for shooting a young black man that was waving a gun at police. It would be nice if he’d come and stick his nose in the crack houses and gang dens and try to make some sense of that mess, too. Maybe take a ride through some once thriving neighborhoods now littered with for sale signs, which are perpetual lawn ornaments. Who wants to buy a house in a neighborhood that’s either gang controlled or where owners don’t care enough to mow their grass, much less maintain their houses — black, white, Hispanic… whatever! Hey, Al, why don’t you get in a Charlotte cop car on a Friday night and experience what they see and deal with on a daily basis?

And I’m so perplexed by the “Got Hope” t-shirts for B’Obama… give me a break! The Dem’s have had control of the house for almost two years now… nothing. Gas prices up what, $1.25? States in the great northwest are poised to deliver alternative energy, but for the red tape… where are the Dem’s? We’re still spending BILLIONS on space programs — who cares the dust on Mars is red — where are the Dem’s?

Our country’s livelihood is at stake, most just complain about it, hope is at a premium. If the only hope we have is to vote in a new president, that’s not a hope with much (if any) substance. My hope is in that which I can’t fathom or see, the hope promised by the word of God, which is in and of itself God, at least to me. My hope is based on promises so misconstrued and twisted by man, mis-labeled as “religion”, that I can understand why it seems so few choose to travel this narrow path. This hope paints a picture of peace for eternity, and in my heart. But along with this hope come the promises of life… struggles, fears, pain, and despair.

It’s up to me which brush I choose — the broad or the pencil thin tip — and what colors I paint, black and white, shades of grey, or a broad palette of lush colors I create from the basic set. We are all painters, artists in this life, it’s how we express and portray our hope that makes us who we are, to ourselves and those with whom we share our lives. It’s up to me to determine if hanging on to what I know is worth the possibility of missing out on adventures I’ve yet to imagine.

T-MinusPosted by Angelo Melendez on May 30th, 2008

These days seems just about everything is deadline driven. From dinner at 5:30 to get the kids somewhere by 6:15, to the next powerpoint at work, or preparing for my next trip — whether to Nashville or the grocery story. Good news is, I can do this! The bad news… I tend to stress and get caught up in details instead of enjoying the process and the moments that matter. While recently reading through some scripture in 1 Kings about Solomon’s wisdom, I realized, this is where I want to be — asking for and receiving wisdom into and for my life, just as Solomon did.

So I’m thinking I won’t have the whole jurisdiction over all these countries and peoples, and that’s cool with me, I have enough to handle with the single family in our household. And I don’t need to be great at everything I do, but be faithful and do things with the right heart and hope in that which I can’t see.

I can be a rather poor reader, usually 3-4 books at a time, struggling to finish any or all of them, sometimes having to restart and skim through a book to get reoriented. I’m currently going through “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren, and finishing up the sections on seeing life from God’s view… life is a test, life is a trust, life is a temporary assignment (in a temporal place). Interestingly, before reading these chapters, I’d just written some songs easily tied back to these perspectives.

Kinda cool… then I think about practical application.

Of the three elements, trust is the one that frequently eludes me and pretty much causes the most turmoil in my life. To me, trust means totally reliquishing control. Should be easy seeing as I really don’t have control of anything to begin with except the choices I make. Some decisions should be black and white, right vs. wrong. It’s those where wisdom, instinct and desire collide that keep me on my toes, sometimes at the edge of a cliff, trying to balance choices against making “right decisions”.

Truth is, I’m at a point where I time should be one of the most compelling factors in choosing for the rest of my life. If I live to 100, my days are but the strike of a match in light of eternity… if I miss out on what today has to offer, tomorrow might be my eternity. Time to think about the countdown and live with a bit more reckless abandon and ferver.

God’s word says ask for wisdom, I’m asking … am I trusting?

Real LifePosted by Angelo Melendez on May 19th, 2008

I don’t know about you, but a good bit of my day is spent settling battles between my head and my heart, including choices about how I use time, spend money, who and what I serve, when or if to sleep, you know, life stuff. At least for me, there’s no way to pin down how all my free time is used, like some surveillance system that catalogs and trends, nothing overly geeky. Though my “real life” is often full of illusions and distractions leading nowhere, for all intents and purposes I’ve got it made. Of course, you wouldn’t know it when the “whine-o-meter” starts spiking because I’m not getting my way or being fulfilled, at least from an earthly perspective.

Of late, however, news of the horrific tragedies caused by natural disasters around the world, and the fact our nation appears to be missing the big picture in dealing with challenges we face, I’m seeing things in a different hue. Kids growing up without moms or dads, our elderly battle depression and lonliness as their generation fades away, the cost of living across the board sucking the life out of so many, and generic indifference poised to inflict lasting, detrimental impact… but then I see the Sunday school worker dressed in the same clothes, wearing that same smile and I wonder, could this be me? Or a school teacher of 20 years who refuses to give up because of the ridiculously insufficient pay or the disrespect of some students because even though she may never see the fruit of her labor, she has hope for the outcome… would I have the guts to do the same?

Real life… it’s not about what I do, but who I really am based on choices I’ve made at crossroads in life, and my imperfections are healed by humility and grace. I want to live knowing that my contributions to this world do matter, but should be made quietly without expectation of acknowledgement or reward. While this is inherently not my nature, I can’t ignore the stirring in my heart, and there are forces around me speaking loudly, too. Whether in the form of a song, a comment, a newspaper article or a blog, a sermon, I’m seeing, hearing and seeking from a different perspective.

If I’m to be more deciscive, and make choices that really matter, I need to tear down the walls that keep me from searching out my identity and purpose in life… not the world’s version of life, but real life. It’s time to take off the mask of pretense and be real with myself. To see that who I am in every waking hour can make a difference in situations I’m a part of… it’s going to take peeling off more of the old me if I want to get to living out my real life.

RecognizePosted by Angelo Melendez on May 1st, 2008

A few weeks ago, I sat in a coffee shop with a co-writer discussing a song idea about God’s will for our lives. She’s lots more experienced at co-writing and very patient, so I really enjoyed the learning process and think we’re on track to write a good song. She sent her notes, I reviewed mine and noticed she’d written down the word “recognize” early in our session, but it wasn’t necessarily focal to our discussion.

When I finally got back to working on the song last week, I couldn’t shake the notion of how I pray and wait for some tangible means of discerning God’s will for my life, when faith says answers come when I choose to pursue God through His word, prayer, and a willingness to risk failing in the context I’m able to see results.

So what triggers my heart to recognize God’s will? James tells us to pray in faith for wisdom and every good thing from above… discerning when I’m praying for a heart’s desire that may not line up with God’s will is a mystery that may only be solved when I align my prayers and faith with God’s word. Newsflash — this means spending LOTS more time reading, studying, contemplating, praying, worshiping, and living in Spirit & Truth.

Admittedly, I’m writing this entry as a bit of a free write to flush out a second verse. But something tells me God is going to show me more — I pray He does!