Internet in Heaven?
Jun 21, 2009 sojourn
This past June 10th marked the 2nd anniversary of Dad’s passing, a day threaded with pangs of remembrance. But today is Father’s Day, and the void is even more pronounced. Maybe coz it’s the weekend and I’ve had more time to reflect upon memories as well as the cause and effect of his being gone.
I still find myself talking to him, wondering what he would say about things going on in the world today, or situations in my life or the lives of my siblings. I left the nest pretty early on, and for the most part it took quite some time for the values and lessons he taught me to take. But today I can honestly say, I rely on the simplicity in his wisdom. Wisdom founded on honesty and integrity, hard work and gratitude.
I wish I could say I don’t struggle, that by now I’d learned every lesson well, and he’d give me a pat on the back and we’d go grab a beer. But the truth is I’m still a wild horse that yearns to roam, often shamefully thankless for the many blessings in my life and stubborn as a 3-foot thick wall. Of late, the restlessness in me is at fever pitch. Do I cross the river here, where the rapids are swollen and strong, or keep heading down a rocky stretch of terrain where at least I can negotiate my footing? Thankfully, I still hear his voice saying, “hang on buster, let’s dial it back a notch and think about what you’re about to do.”
Dad passed away from several medical/physical conditions, but it was the Alzheimer’s disease that broke him down mercilessly. I was the last to feed him real food, his favorite of roast pork with rice and beans. I have a few family pictures I scanned right after he died, so I could keep them electronically and look back, way back, at how he got me to where I am in this life. How I wish I could do so many things over and thank him today for all his sacrifice and care. He taught me regret is an anchor, so I’ll press on down the pathways he cut for me.
If you guys are using the Internet in heaven, I just want to say I miss you Dad…
(Dad and me c.1972)
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